


breathe, breathe, breathe

by packingmagic



Category: SKAM (Italy)
Genre: M/M, idk i was feeling sad and wrote this while watching s2 lol, the boy squad + nico + fili are only named, the coming out scene dsifjdsiof, this is between marti & his mama <3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 03:58:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16779151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/packingmagic/pseuds/packingmagic
Summary: martino wants to do this, he has a list on his head and a plan. he can do it.





	breathe, breathe, breathe

_****Breathe, breathe, breathe._

  
You can do it, and if everything goes wrong you still have your friends supporting you.  
_Breathe._

He made a list: _Gio's supportive smile. Elia's nice eyes. Luchino wanting to hit on Emma._ He had a plan.

He walks to the room across his own and knocks twice. His mom makes a little noise, so he enters. She is laying on the bed buried in soft white sheets; she looks soft and peaceful. Martino is relieved today is a good day for her. She deserves it. Luckily, the light in the bedroom is dim, so his mom can't see him sweating and overthinking in the door frame. A voice in his head is telling him that he can do it, but another is suggesting his turning his back and running away from that bedroom in Rome as fast as he can. 

He thinks about Gio, Elia and Luca's support. He is not alone. He has his friends with him.  
  
_"Mom,"_ he whispers, his voice is broken, _"I need to tell you something,"_ his mom rolls in the bed, and looks at him. She looks sleepy but curious. " _Yes, lay with me, let's talk,_ " Martino climbs in the bed and rests his head on her lap, like the old times.

" _What's happening, Marti?_ " Martino's mind is going crazy: Breathe _, breathe, breathe, Gio's smile, Elia's nice eyes_ and _Luca's nonsense._ _Filippo too. Filippo joking about Titanic._

 _"First of all, I want to apologize to you,"_ God, Martino feels like crying at any moment, _"for everything, my mood has been up and down, and I lashed out at you several times when you didn't deserve it, sorry mom, sorry for being rude"_ he said the words too fast, no commas, no dots. The tears threatening to fall from his eyes. They can't fall. Not yet.

 _"Marti, no need to apologize, son, everyone has those days"_ God, Martino loves his mom, even though sometimes he is harsh or rude at her. Rarely can he not sleep, but when he lays awake watching the ceiling or Niccolò sleep for hours while overthinking about everything he did or said during the day (or his whole life), he feels like doesn't deserve her, she is too good and he spent (spends) a lot of time mad at the world. However, he can't lose her. He loves her so much. He loves her hugs and her pizza. He loves her nagging. He loves her judging looks when he is wearing yet another blue outfit. "You look too boring, Marti." He doesn't mind taking care of the chores. He understands now. And his mind is going crazy again, so he tries to remember the list. _Gio's smile, Elia's eyes, Luca's nonsense and Filippo's jokes._ He can't control himself. His hands are shaking so he hides them between his thighs. His mouth is dry. He can't do this. He can't. Call him a coward, but he wants to run away right now. He swallows. He takes a deep breath as if he is going underwater. And suddenly, it hits him. 

  
_Nico's kisses, Nico's cuddles, Nico's ugly carbonara._

  
_"I have a thing with a boy, mom,"_ and his mom stops playing with his hair. She looks like she stopped breathing altogether. Martino wants to run away, but his body doesn't move. _"A thing?"_ his mom whispers. _"I like him and he likes me back,"_ he can't believe he is saying this to his mom, god, he is crazy, out of his mind. He can't believe thinking about Nico made him feel _this_ brave.

  
His mom sits straight in the bed, her back against the wall. Martino is definitely going to cry. He feels so vulnerable, so exposed, so scared. He doesn't want to lose his mom. She is not saying anything, plus her face is the best poker face Martino has ever seen. 

  
_"First of all, I love you, my son,"_ she says in a very warm tone, she starts to play with Marti's hair again, "I love you since the first moment I've seen you and," _there's a silence_ , and his mom looks like she is looking carefully at her words, _"you are the most amazing boy in, not only Italy but in the world, you are unique, so,"_ _another silence_ and Martino is holding his breath again, _"if you like boys or girls, or both, will not change my unconditional love for my little boy, I just want you to be happy, to be loved,"_ he exhales, lets his hands free from his thighs and his tears fall. 

He whispers, _"I love you,_ mom _."_

  
_"Are you happy, sole mio?"_ Martino hears his mom whisper. She is smiling at him. He can feel the love in her voice.

_Is he happy?_

He thinks about Nico because **why not**. His smile. His cute eyes. His black curls that fall over one side of his face. His hugs. His kisses. The way he says "okay?" when he can't believe Martino is actually agreeing with him on something. Or how Nico adores Gio, Elia, and Luchi. And the fact he loves to be Filippo's model. He thinks about the rest of his friends too. About Gio, who is working so hard to get over Eva as she is with Dumb Canegallo. Gio who lets Marti talk about Niccolò for hours. Gio who is losing 96-82 in their FIFA games because he kind of sucks at it. He thinks about Elia too. Elia who had a hard time during his parents' divorce. Elia who sometimes helps Nico cooking so they can make the most horrible food on Earth. He thinks about Luchino who has a crush on every girl he has met in his life. Martino considers him to be the only Straight Boy™ allowed in his life and it's because he is tiny and he means well. Filippo and his jokes, but sweet texts. Eva who was mad at him, but besides what he had done to her, she kept his secret. And now his mom, who was playing with his hair and weeping his tears. He couldn't ask for more.

_"Yes, I'm happy."_

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 3 am with no beta, so, this is can be the worst fic you've ever read and i'm sorry for that.  
> feel free to comment <3  
> i'm @teamrv on tumblr! 
> 
> *sole mio = my sun = mi sol <3.


End file.
